Every year, many people go through one of the most difficult events of their lives, and that is divorce.
The separation of the two people who once shared love for each other can be devastating. To think you would be spending the rest of your life with someone and it doesn’t work out makes it even more challenging to cope with. But you shouldn’t give up on life because of that. It is not the end of the world, and the best way to deal with this turbulent experience is to be prepared for what is to come. So, here are the five stages of divorce and how to cope with them.
Coping with Divorce
Denial
Denial is your defensive mechanism protecting you from becoming overwhelmed by your emotions. It is like sailing through a storm and pretending everything is well with the world. Some people can’t even believe that it is actually happening to them. The denial stage is much stronger and longer among people that didn’t initiate the divorce. In some cases, it can lead to a delayed response to divorce papers. On the other hand, denial can sometimes be a helpful coping mechanism softening reality’s harshness, as long as it doesn’t keep you from progressing to the next stage. Use it wisely to your benefit but don’t abuse it because if you refuse to face reality for too long, it will become counter-productive for you.
Divorce
Anger
The second stage is anger, which overwhelms both sides many times. It is filled with rage, blame, frustration. Since people suppress their sentiments in the denial stage, a massive wave of emotions is unleashed in this phase. This phase can be dangerous if you don’t control it. The best way is to be patient with yourself and help your spouse do the same. If not, anger can consume you and get the best out of you. Don’t make decisions during this phase because they will be made purely on emotion and without reasoning. If you feel like getting the anger out of your system, do it alone, so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Bargaining
In this phase, you might find yourself attempting to repair and undo the damage done in the marriage. There is a possibility you will start to promise your other half mostly unrealistic things just to stop the divorce and to yourself that you will change. This comes from your thought that you cannot handle the divorce emotionally and that it is better to come back to the previous life in a bad marriage. If you are the leaver, you will realize if your decision was right or wrong during this stage. If you are the person that has been left, in this stage, you will try to pursue your spouse to return. The most important advice is to try to go through this phase as fast as possible; otherwise, you might put yourself in a difficult position. Do your best to move on, be strong, and keep your chin up!
Families divided
Depression
This is one of the most challenging phases of the whole process, and it can often last very long. Sadness becomes your constant follower. This is the darkest hour of the night, right before dawn. You might start looking at your old photos with your spouse, visit the bars more often than usual, or stay at home and watch television all day with the curtains closed. At this point, both sides now fully understand the reality of the situation. During this phase, you have to surround yourself with a strong support system. Family and loyal and good friends that are ready to cope with you even in your worst days will be of great help. Cry it out and talk to someone who will help you eliminate the toxic emotions you hold. If necessary, seek counseling from an experienced therapist to help yourself in long-term healing.
Acceptance
Acceptance
You will LOVE this stage. You have reached the light at the end of the tunnel. You have gone through thick and thin, and you have learned a lot. You may still feel some sadness and anger at the end of your marriage. But the most important thing is that you finally managed to accept the new reality. So you are divorced now – join the millions of other people that survived the same life-changing event. Focus on the good side of life, and start living a happy, healthy life. There will still be a bit of bitter taste, and it may follow you for a long time, but you are not consumed by it anymore, and that is what matters.
Finally, don’t forget that one person can meet more than one soulmate in its lifetime. Just think of this: If you had never met your former spouse, does that mean you would have never fallen in love with someone else?
